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Other Added - More Courageous Tact, Less Hostility: 14 Things High Achievers Know About Sharing a Difficult Truth
Although being autonomous and independent are traits that are seen as being very positive in our culture, being a lone warrior is a common mistake many business owners and small companies make. In our increasingly global economy it’s impossible to be all things to all clients. It’s important that small and midsized companies create and build on strategic alliances in order to leverage their strengths.This is going to surprise you but one of the first places I recommend looking for alliances is your competition. Many companies refuse to partner with their competition, or even talk to them. Many business owners don’t want to be in the same networking groups as their competition or in the same business circles. This shows weakness and fear and probably means you aren’t secure enough in your own value proposition. Running into your competitors should not cause you to break out into a sweat. It should help you to further hone in on your unique value and focused strate
SET THE CONTEXT
Clearly identify the issue, from your perspective. Why is this conversation important? What’s at stake? Identify your wish to understand what’s happening from the other’s perspective and sincere desire to resolve the issue.
TAILOR YOUR MESSAGE TO YOUR AUDIENCE
Some may want all the facts. With these people, you may choose to appeal to reason and use data and examples, even lining up experts or third party support for the truth as you see it. Others may want to have the executive summary or the bottom line – what does this mean to me. Still others will want to feel that you are looking out for them and have their best interests at heart, regardless of the message.
ANTICIPATE AND OBSERVE THE IMPACT OF YOUR ACTIONS AND WORDS
Remember, the medium (you) is also the mes
When a customer wants to find a local business she may use one of the well known world wide search engines.She might type in “Plumbers in Birmingham”. (Or whatever your business type and location is). If you show up in the search results then you are very lucky. Of course you’ve got no chance of showing up in the results if you don’t have a website.The first few search results are probably from the well known large national directories followed by lesser known local directories. The potential customer will click on one of these search results and then select the business to call.That’s why you’ve got to get your business listed in directory, regardless of whether you have a website or not.There are several problems with national directories, one is their high cost and the other is that they cover every type of business from Accountants to Zoo keepers. There’s nothing wrong with that and if you can afford it then go ahead and advertise in them, but m
A lot of what drives my clients crazy is keeping their mouths shut – when to do it and when not onto do it, usually when the “truth”, as they see it, is screaming to be heard.
We spend time identifying what they need and want to say, how to deliver the somewhat risky message, how to cope with their fears, and how to minimize and manage fallout.
The interesting thing is they never regret speaking out, even if the outcome was not exactly as they had hoped. They end up feeling more in control and their self-esteem and cfidence goes up.
Often we steer clear of telling the truth because we wish to avoid confrontation. Yet not addressing contentious issues can have negative consequences to the business, to our relationships, and to us.
Here are 14 things High Achievers always keep in mind when sharing a difficult truth:
START BY BEING HONEST WITH YOURSELF
Consider your motives – are they positive and productive or not? Are you telling the truth because of a need to be candid, in integrity, and to move the business or relationship forward or is it about your judgments and making the other person “wrong”?
LISTEN TO YOUR INTUITION
It may be telling you that you don’t have enough information and should explore the issue further. Maybe it’s telling you to keep your mouth shut.
REMEMBER THAT TRUTH IS MORE OFTEN SUBJECTIVE THAN VERIFIABLE
The grass is green vs. you made a stupid mistake and therefore are an idiot. We often start the conversation assuming that we are right and the other person is wrong. In fact, there are very few absolute truths. Truth is relative to the individual and is based on their experience, socialization, etc. which will be different than yours.
The challenge is that both people may be “right” and the difficulty has arisen from conflicting perceptions, feelings, and values around the so-called “facts”.
BE COURAGEOUS, TAKE A RISK, AND PRACTICE RISK MANAGEMENT
Courage usually increases in proportion to thought and preparation. What is the cost/benefit of telling the truth? Sometimes no real purpose will be served by telling the truth as you see it. If the cost of not speaking is high, how can you contain the possible risk of sharing what you believe to be true? Doing a risk assessment is a necessary component to preparation. Discern which conversations should have a big time investment in groundwork and which do not.
SET YOUR INTENTIONS
What is the purpose of the conversation, what is the message you want to send, what do you want the recipient to do with the information, what behaviour on your part will support/not support your intentions, what do you need to let go of. Remember to stay grounded in your intentions throughout the conversation, particularly in the midst of discomfort or chaos.
PREPARE FOR THE CONVERSATION
Consider the underlying source of the issue (e.g. work climate and culture), as well as the symptom (e.g. the other person’s behaviour). Are there specific examples that illustrate what you’re talking about? Plan to remove judgments from your description and point of view. Tell the truth as you see it as objectively as possible and without interpretation.
Get help with tough messages. Practice or role-play in advance with a skilled, trusted, advisor who can also help you see more clearly how your behaviour might get in the way. Under what circumstances do you get emotionally triggered and what is the best way for you to handle it – listen, ask questions, wait until you can be more rational, disengage?
CREATE CONNECTION
Is there a relationship of trust or suspicion as the backdrop to your message? If possible, create a moment of connection, rapport, or common ground rather than going straight to the “truth”.
SET THE CONTEXT
Clearly identify the issue, from your perspective. Why is this conversation important? What’s at stake? Identify your wish to understand what’s happening from the other’s perspective and sincere desire to resolve the issue.
TAILOR YOUR MESSAGE TO YOUR AUDIENCE
Some may want all the facts. With these people, you may choose to appeal to reason and use data and examples, even lining up experts or third party support for the truth as you see it. Others may want to have the executive summary or the bottom line – what does this mean to me. Still others will want to feel that you are looking out for them and have their best interests at heart, regardless of the message.
ANTICIPATE AND OBSERVE THE IMPACT OF YOUR ACTIONS AND WORDS
Remember, the medium (you) is also the mess
Have you ever felt like you were running a rat race? Everything seems like it takes forever, costs 10 times as much as you expected and you still feel like you are a million miles away from achieving your financial goals?That’s because people often approach their financial growth with the wrong strategies. You may have heard the saying, “The strategy you used to create your million is drastically different than the strategy to maintain it.” It’s the same thing here. The strategy you used to get started is drastically different than the one you need to grow consistent six and seven figure revenue.Here are six of the common mistakes entrepreneurs make when trying to grow their bottom line.Mistake #1: Setting unrealistic expectations. I conducted a workshop where one of the students shared she planned to create $500,000 in new revenue in the next 12 months. She was barely making $50,000 and was launching a brand new business. This plan seemed unrealistic to m
START BY BEING HONEST WITH YOURSELF
Consider your motives – are they positive and productive or not? Are you telling the truth because of a need to be candid, in integrity, and to move the business or relationship forward or is it about your judgments and making the other person “wrong”?
LISTEN TO YOUR INTUITION
It may be telling you that you don’t have enough information and should explore the issue further. Maybe it’s telling you to keep your mouth shut.
REMEMBER THAT TRUTH IS MORE OFTEN SUBJECTIVE THAN VERIFIABLE
The grass is green vs. you made a stupid mistake and therefore are an idiot. We often start the conversation assuming that we are right and the other person is wrong. In fact, there are very few absolute truths. Truth is relative to the individual and is based on their experience, socialization, etc. which will be different than yours.
The challenge is that both people may be “right” and the difficulty has arisen from conflicting perceptions, feelings, and values around the so-called “facts”.
BE COURAGEOUS, TAKE A RISK, AND PRACTICE RISK MANAGEMENT
Courage usually increases in proportion to thought and preparation. What is the cost/benefit of telling the truth? Sometimes no real purpose will be served by telling the truth as you see it. If the cost of not speaking is high, how can you contain the possible risk of sharing what you believe to be true? Doing a risk assessment is a necessary component to preparation. Discern which conversations should have a big time investment in groundwork and which do not.
SET YOUR INTENTIONS
What is the purpose of the conversation, what is the message you want to send, what do you want the recipient to do with the information, what behaviour on your part will support/not support your intentions, what do you need to let go of. Remember to stay grounded in your intentions throughout the conversation, particularly in the midst of discomfort or chaos.
PREPARE FOR THE CONVERSATION
Consider the underlying source of the issue (e.g. work climate and culture), as well as the symptom (e.g. the other person’s behaviour). Are there specific examples that illustrate what you’re talking about? Plan to remove judgments from your description and point of view. Tell the truth as you see it as objectively as possible and without interpretation.
Get help with tough messages. Practice or role-play in advance with a skilled, trusted, advisor who can also help you see more clearly how your behaviour might get in the way. Under what circumstances do you get emotionally triggered and what is the best way for you to handle it – listen, ask questions, wait until you can be more rational, disengage?
CREATE CONNECTION
Is there a relationship of trust or suspicion as the backdrop to your message? If possible, create a moment of connection, rapport, or common ground rather than going straight to the “truth”.
SET THE CONTEXT
Clearly identify the issue, from your perspective. Why is this conversation important? What’s at stake? Identify your wish to understand what’s happening from the other’s perspective and sincere desire to resolve the issue.
TAILOR YOUR MESSAGE TO YOUR AUDIENCE
Some may want all the facts. With these people, you may choose to appeal to reason and use data and examples, even lining up experts or third party support for the truth as you see it. Others may want to have the executive summary or the bottom line – what does this mean to me. Still others will want to feel that you are looking out for them and have their best interests at heart, regardless of the message.
ANTICIPATE AND OBSERVE THE IMPACT OF YOUR ACTIONS AND WORDS
Remember, the medium (you) is also the mes
PERSONAL PREPARATIONWhen you go to the theatre, you are captivated by the actors’ skillful performances and the smooth unfurling of the story they are portraying. It is easy to forget that it took months of rehearsal to achieve this effect and make the audience laugh, cry, and gasp with surprise.Your store is your stage; you, too, need to prepare it for action. Here are a few ways to show your customers that you are ready and qualified to serve them.Know your productsIf you worked in a self-serve store, your job would consist in stocking shelves. As a sales consultant, however, your work involves much more than that. It is vital to know your products and your line of business well.Consult websites, read books and magazines, and take courses in your field. You have to be a sales expert to advise and serve your customers knowledgeably.Know your stocksHow do you think your customer
BE COURAGEOUS, TAKE A RISK, AND PRACTICE RISK MANAGEMENT
Courage usually increases in proportion to thought and preparation. What is the cost/benefit of telling the truth? Sometimes no real purpose will be served by telling the truth as you see it. If the cost of not speaking is high, how can you contain the possible risk of sharing what you believe to be true? Doing a risk assessment is a necessary component to preparation. Discern which conversations should have a big time investment in groundwork and which do not.
SET YOUR INTENTIONS
What is the purpose of the conversation, what is the message you want to send, what do you want the recipient to do with the information, what behaviour on your part will support/not support your intentions, what do you need to let go of. Remember to stay grounded in your intentions throughout the conversation, particularly in the midst of discomfort or chaos.
PREPARE FOR THE CONVERSATION
Consider the underlying source of the issue (e.g. work climate and culture), as well as the symptom (e.g. the other person’s behaviour). Are there specific examples that illustrate what you’re talking about? Plan to remove judgments from your description and point of view. Tell the truth as you see it as objectively as possible and without interpretation.
Get help with tough messages. Practice or role-play in advance with a skilled, trusted, advisor who can also help you see more clearly how your behaviour might get in the way. Under what circumstances do you get emotionally triggered and what is the best way for you to handle it – listen, ask questions, wait until you can be more rational, disengage?
CREATE CONNECTION
Is there a relationship of trust or suspicion as the backdrop to your message? If possible, create a moment of connection, rapport, or common ground rather than going straight to the “truth”.
SET THE CONTEXT
Clearly identify the issue, from your perspective. Why is this conversation important? What’s at stake? Identify your wish to understand what’s happening from the other’s perspective and sincere desire to resolve the issue.
TAILOR YOUR MESSAGE TO YOUR AUDIENCE
Some may want all the facts. With these people, you may choose to appeal to reason and use data and examples, even lining up experts or third party support for the truth as you see it. Others may want to have the executive summary or the bottom line – what does this mean to me. Still others will want to feel that you are looking out for them and have their best interests at heart, regardless of the message.
ANTICIPATE AND OBSERVE THE IMPACT OF YOUR ACTIONS AND WORDS
Remember, the medium (you) is also the mes
Our society relies heavily on electricity and most citizens do not even know how electricity is shipped directly to their homes. But in order to allow electricity to reach millions of homes, we need a large number of people to un the wide interconnecting networks of electrical line, power plants and diverse equipments which include transformers, electrical power distribution systems, and substations. Transmission engineers are the people in charge of transmitting electrical power from generation plants to the regional or local electricity distribution operators. Transmission engineers have to work on multi-thousands-volt electrical lines using transformers to reduce the voltage for a normal electrical power distribution.Transmission engineers work for transmission system companies which are often are entirely or partly owned by states or countries. Since these companies are at the backbone of the electrical power grid, interconnecting all power generating and distributi
PREPARE FOR THE CONVERSATION
Consider the underlying source of the issue (e.g. work climate and culture), as well as the symptom (e.g. the other person’s behaviour). Are there specific examples that illustrate what you’re talking about? Plan to remove judgments from your description and point of view. Tell the truth as you see it as objectively as possible and without interpretation.
Get help with tough messages. Practice or role-play in advance with a skilled, trusted, advisor who can also help you see more clearly how your behaviour might get in the way. Under what circumstances do you get emotionally triggered and what is the best way for you to handle it – listen, ask questions, wait until you can be more rational, disengage?
CREATE CONNECTION
Is there a relationship of trust or suspicion as the backdrop to your message? If possible, create a moment of connection, rapport, or common ground rather than going straight to the “truth”.
SET THE CONTEXT
Clearly identify the issue, from your perspective. Why is this conversation important? What’s at stake? Identify your wish to understand what’s happening from the other’s perspective and sincere desire to resolve the issue.
TAILOR YOUR MESSAGE TO YOUR AUDIENCE
Some may want all the facts. With these people, you may choose to appeal to reason and use data and examples, even lining up experts or third party support for the truth as you see it. Others may want to have the executive summary or the bottom line – what does this mean to me. Still others will want to feel that you are looking out for them and have their best interests at heart, regardless of the message.
ANTICIPATE AND OBSERVE THE IMPACT OF YOUR ACTIONS AND WORDS
Remember, the medium (you) is also the mes
JV Mailings – For certain product or service offerings, direct mail can be prohibitively expensive. That’s why card decks and Value-Paks are so popular. But aside from those types of mailings, you can always partner with a non-competitor (or two or three) that offer a complementary or similar product/service with the same target market as yours. By splitting the cost of the mailing, you still get your message out, but at a much-reduced cost.JV Inserts/Flyers/Circulars – Similar to JV mailings, you could arrange to have your flyer, insert, or circular inserted into another publication already being mailed. This “hitching a ride” approach works best when your audience is targeted, although newspaper inserts are popular with local bricks and mortar businesses. The JV part comes into play when you pay so much per lead or a percentage of all sales resulting from the arrangement. Depending on your price structure, you can pay a percentage of the first sale only, or a tiered a
SET THE CONTEXT
Clearly identify the issue, from your perspective. Why is this conversation important? What’s at stake? Identify your wish to understand what’s happening from the other’s perspective and sincere desire to resolve the issue.
TAILOR YOUR MESSAGE TO YOUR AUDIENCE
Some may want all the facts. With these people, you may choose to appeal to reason and use data and examples, even lining up experts or third party support for the truth as you see it. Others may want to have the executive summary or the bottom line – what does this mean to me. Still others will want to feel that you are looking out for them and have their best interests at heart, regardless of the message.
ANTICIPATE AND OBSERVE THE IMPACT OF YOUR ACTIONS AND WORDS
Remember, the medium (you) is also the message. Take full responsibility for how you are heard.
If you were standing in the recipient’s shoes, how would you feel? Watch your language – is it constructive and focused on the issue or opportunity or are you speaking in a snide, judgmental manner and making it personal? You may be emotionally triggered, but put a rope around it.
Remember that up to 90% of communication is visual. Your listeners are watching to be sure that your body language matches what you are saying.
AVOID BEING RIGID AND FIND COMMON GROUND
Highlight areas of agreement, common values, and shared needs. If possible, articulate a new possibility that arises from the disclosure of the truth. If you can’t agree on what is true, try to agree on next steps such as an approach to resolve the disagreement, the best way to follow up, etc.
BE GRACIOUS, MATURE, AND AVOID ANGRY ESCALATION
Accept that not everyone wants the truth, as you or anyone other than they see it. If you see someone is offended then address it, but don’t back down from your true feelings. Ask them if they would like to explore the topic further or if they require additional clarity.
If someone attacks you, rephrase it as an attack on the issue not on you. Use diplomacy and tact. LISTEN. If all else fails, it may be wise to disengage to allow others a break to process their emotions. By paying attention to your body (tension, shallow breathing, etc.), you may discover the person requiring the time out is you.
CHECK TO SEE IF MESSAGES ON BOTH SIDES HAVE BEEN RECEIVED AND UNDERSTOOD Encourage dialogue. Solicit how others are feeling about your message. Reflect back feelings and empathize.
Ask open-ended questions. LISTEN. Seek to understand. Remember to paraphrase and summarize what you’ve heard. Put your own judgments on hold.
ASSESS AND GET FEEDBACK ON YOUR BEHAVIOR
What did you do well and not so well? How well were you able to stay with your intentions? What were you not prepared to let go of and did this serve the conversation? What’s next for you in terms of behavioural improvements? Any damage control required?
FOOD FOR THOUGHT
• Just observe how you handle difficult conversations. Make note of any themes around your behaviour. Does your behaviour support or hinder the truth?
• As a leader, how have you created an environment of safety and trust? Do your people willingly share the truth as they see it? If not, why not? What happens when they do? What is the cost when they don’t?
“For my part, for whatever anguish of spirit it may cost, I am willing to know the whole truth; to know the worst and provide for it.”
- Patrick Henry, statesman
RESOURCES
“Fierce Conversations: Achieving Success at Work & in Life, One Conversation at a Time”, Susan Scott, Berkeley Books, 2002
“Difficult Conversations: How to Discuss What Matters Most”, Douglas Stone, Bruce Patton & Sheila Heen, Penguin Books, 2000
“Getting to Yes”, Robert Fisher, William Ury & Bruce Patton, Penguin Books, 1991
“Nonviolent Communication: A Language of Life”, Marshall B. Rosenberg, PuddleDancer Press, 2003
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