I think I said it so much I convinced her!! lol

She was a gem. Her real father was a multi millionaire on good property who did endurance races on Arabian horses over five days and hundreds of miles for fun, who had a business and bred champion horses on his own stud at home as a side income. I only met him once, he offered to teach Sharryn and myself to ride endurance with him and his new wife. They say a girl marries her father and I could not reconcile why she married me.

Then when she told me about her step father who molested her, a drinker and a loser, though I have never been a child molester, I seemed a little bit more like this loser her mother had in her second marriage. This man had also left her life as mum had moved on.

Today I am becoming a lot more like her millionaire father and a lot less like her step father and in the midst of my counselling I reminisce and wish that she could have just held on long enough to see me now. She’d be proud of how well I am going and my love for myself.

but then a lot of nice things turn bad out there.

Things didn’t turn out bad for Sharryn. She left me for another bloke she was having an

Now that I've lost everything to you,
you say you want to start something new,
and it's breaking my heart you're leaving,
baby I'm grieving.

My wife left with our CDs and with my child and with my heart. When she told me to leave her or else she would move out, I cried my heart out for a while and then politely asked her if I could sleep in our bed with her that night and possibly leave in the morning. She agreed that I could and didn’t change her habit of sleeping nude and I slept next to my sexy wife naked next to me for the last night. Just as we were going to bed that night, half an hour after the argument that ended in me being given myo marching orders, I was tempted to ask her if I could make love to her one more time before I left. You know, “One for the road.” lol

It wasn’t fear that stopped me from asking, it was my respect for my wife as asking her to have sex so soon after a bad argument and considering that she had finally had just to much of me would have been highly insulting to her as there would have been no love coming from her side.

I have always been a person who likes to spend money and my wife liked doing it, and so besides some nice clothes and a TV and sterio we really didn’t have anything of value except our collection of CDs of which I left her.

I left in tears at 5am in the morning, looked in on my 2 year old son and was tempted to take him away with me on a train to my parents, some 500kms away. Yes I could have taken my son, as I was his father and the police could not have arrested me and taken him back. I could have settled in my home town and the fight for custody could have started 10 hours later when Sharryn would have been angrily shouting at me at my parent’s house over the phone.

But taking my son would hurt Sharryn and though she had told me to leave, I was not going to hurt her in that way. Besides, let’s face it, mothers are made to nurture children, and children are best raised with a mother if it is possible. Fathers are good at parenting and I have met fine fathers in my time, but God made breasts on a women and it kinda proves the babies are meant to be closer to mum.

So leaving Sharryn that morning was kinda leaving my heart in that house in her spirit and part of my heart broke leaving my little boy also. Some people might assume that a male does not weep when he goes from a 14 day a fortnight full time father to a 2 day a fortnight part time father, but ladies to a sensitive co dependent messed up guy like me, losing the full time relationship with my son made me very sad.

For 8 hours on the train to my parents’ house I wept. The trees and meadows and farms passed by outside, with splashes of green and brown and the odd blue river under a bridge, and inside I wept as quietly as I could so as not disturb anyone. Six days later in a shower I decided to kill myself and if it had not been for my spiritually in tune mother who worried about her son in that shower that day, and my younger brother who was a trained counsellor, I would not have been typing this.

and it's breaking my heart you're leaving, baby I'm grieving.

Though I left, it was my wife leaving and boy, suicide was very close.

But if you wanna leave take good care, hope you have a lot of nice things to wear, but then a lot of nice things turn bad out there.

Though I had not been a good provider in the months before the separation, I had been good for the years before, and my wife had some nice outfits to wear. I have to agree with this lyric though, my wife was really pretty in my opinion with her rich Lebanese olive skin and dress size 12 figure and dark hair it would have been my wish to see her in more stunning dresses.

Sharryn was a dream girl. Such a wild girl, like a good horse she had plenty of spirit, enough to make her win races if she was a race horse and the endurance of a good horse that might do country riding. She was a fighter, she was a Maverick out of Top Gun, her all-time favourite movie. She was a player, she was the right girl to have at your side if you were going to take big risks and go all out at building a big empire. She wouldn’t fight to be the man of the house, she was strong enough to stand by her man and hold him up and pull him back up if he has a setback, but she was so strong in spirit that she was the wife a future millionaire would choose in his youth and together they would set the world on fire.

She had stickability, she was loyal, she was a vixen in bed, very loving and very intoxicating like a drug to me. Her looks were something that just kept me looking in the mirror each day and wondering why she fell in love with me. She used to say I was very handsome, but I had such a low opinion of myself I told her she was crazy on a number of occasions for marrying me.

I think I said it so much I convinced her!! lol

She was a gem. Her real father was a multi millionaire on good property who did endurance races on Arabian horses over five days and hundreds of miles for fun, who had a business and bred champion horses on his own stud at home as a side income. I only met him once, he offered to teach Sharryn and myself to ride endurance with him and his new wife. They say a girl marries her father and I could not reconcile why she married me.

Then when she told me about her step father who molested her, a drinker and a loser, though I have never been a child molester, I seemed a little bit more like this loser her mother had in her second marriage. This man had also left her life as mum had moved on.

Today I am becoming a lot more like her millionaire father and a lot less like her step father and in the midst of my counselling I reminisce and wish that she could have just held on long enough to see me now. She’d be proud of how well I am going and my love for myself.

but then a lot of nice things turn bad out there.

Things didn’t turn out bad for Sharryn. She left me for another bloke she was having an

I left in tears at 5am in the morning, looked in on my 2 year old son and was tempted to take him away with me on a train to my parents, some 500kms away. Yes I could have taken my son, as I was his father and the police could not have arrested me and taken him back. I could have settled in my home town and the fight for custody could have started 10 hours later when Sharryn would have been angrily shouting at me at my parent’s house over the phone.

But taking my son would hurt Sharryn and though she had told me to leave, I was not going to hurt her in that way. Besides, let’s face it, mothers are made to nurture children, and children are best raised with a mother if it is possible. Fathers are good at parenting and I have met fine fathers in my time, but God made breasts on a women and it kinda proves the babies are meant to be closer to mum.

So leaving Sharryn that morning was kinda leaving my heart in that house in her spirit and part of my heart broke leaving my little boy also. Some people might assume that a male does not weep when he goes from a 14 day a fortnight full time father to a 2 day a fortnight part time father, but ladies to a sensitive co dependent messed up guy like me, losing the full time relationship with my son made me very sad.

For 8 hours on the train to my parents’ house I wept. The trees and meadows and farms passed by outside, with splashes of green and brown and the odd blue river under a bridge, and inside I wept as quietly as I could so as not disturb anyone. Six days later in a shower I decided to kill myself and if it had not been for my spiritually in tune mother who worried about her son in that shower that day, and my younger brother who was a trained counsellor, I would not have been typing this.

and it's breaking my heart you're leaving, baby I'm grieving.

Though I left, it was my wife leaving and boy, suicide was very close.

But if you wanna leave take good care, hope you have a lot of nice things to wear, but then a lot of nice things turn bad out there.

Though I had not been a good provider in the months before the separation, I had been good for the years before, and my wife had some nice outfits to wear. I have to agree with this lyric though, my wife was really pretty in my opinion with her rich Lebanese olive skin and dress size 12 figure and dark hair it would have been my wish to see her in more stunning dresses.

Sharryn was a dream girl. Such a wild girl, like a good horse she had plenty of spirit, enough to make her win races if she was a race horse and the endurance of a good horse that might do country riding. She was a fighter, she was a Maverick out of Top Gun, her all-time favourite movie. She was a player, she was the right girl to have at your side if you were going to take big risks and go all out at building a big empire. She wouldn’t fight to be the man of the house, she was strong enough to stand by her man and hold him up and pull him back up if he has a setback, but she was so strong in spirit that she was the wife a future millionaire would choose in his youth and together they would set the world on fire.

She had stickability, she was loyal, she was a vixen in bed, very loving and very intoxicating like a drug to me. Her looks were something that just kept me looking in the mirror each day and wondering why she fell in love with me. She used to say I was very handsome, but I had such a low opinion of myself I told her she was crazy on a number of occasions for marrying me.

I think I said it so much I convinced her!! lol

She was a gem. Her real father was a multi millionaire on good property who did endurance races on Arabian horses over five days and hundreds of miles for fun, who had a business and bred champion horses on his own stud at home as a side income. I only met him once, he offered to teach Sharryn and myself to ride endurance with him and his new wife. They say a girl marries her father and I could not reconcile why she married me.

Then when she told me about her step father who molested her, a drinker and a loser, though I have never been a child molester, I seemed a little bit more like this loser her mother had in her second marriage. This man had also left her life as mum had moved on.

Today I am becoming a lot more like her millionaire father and a lot less like her step father and in the midst of my counselling I reminisce and wish that she could have just held on long enough to see me now. She’d be proud of how well I am going and my love for myself.

but then a lot of nice things turn bad out there.

Things didn’t turn out bad for Sharryn. She left me for another bloke she was having an

For 8 hours on the train to my parents’ house I wept. The trees and meadows and farms passed by outside, with splashes of green and brown and the odd blue river under a bridge, and inside I wept as quietly as I could so as not disturb anyone. Six days later in a shower I decided to kill myself and if it had not been for my spiritually in tune mother who worried about her son in that shower that day, and my younger brother who was a trained counsellor, I would not have been typing this.

and it's breaking my heart you're leaving, baby I'm grieving.

Though I left, it was my wife leaving and boy, suicide was very close.

But if you wanna leave take good care, hope you have a lot of nice things to wear, but then a lot of nice things turn bad out there.

Though I had not been a good provider in the months before the separation, I had been good for the years before, and my wife had some nice outfits to wear. I have to agree with this lyric though, my wife was really pretty in my opinion with her rich Lebanese olive skin and dress size 12 figure and dark hair it would have been my wish to see her in more stunning dresses.

Sharryn was a dream girl. Such a wild girl, like a good horse she had plenty of spirit, enough to make her win races if she was a race horse and the endurance of a good horse that might do country riding. She was a fighter, she was a Maverick out of Top Gun, her all-time favourite movie. She was a player, she was the right girl to have at your side if you were going to take big risks and go all out at building a big empire. She wouldn’t fight to be the man of the house, she was strong enough to stand by her man and hold him up and pull him back up if he has a setback, but she was so strong in spirit that she was the wife a future millionaire would choose in his youth and together they would set the world on fire.

She had stickability, she was loyal, she was a vixen in bed, very loving and very intoxicating like a drug to me. Her looks were something that just kept me looking in the mirror each day and wondering why she fell in love with me. She used to say I was very handsome, but I had such a low opinion of myself I told her she was crazy on a number of occasions for marrying me.

I think I said it so much I convinced her!! lol

She was a gem. Her real father was a multi millionaire on good property who did endurance races on Arabian horses over five days and hundreds of miles for fun, who had a business and bred champion horses on his own stud at home as a side income. I only met him once, he offered to teach Sharryn and myself to ride endurance with him and his new wife. They say a girl marries her father and I could not reconcile why she married me.

Then when she told me about her step father who molested her, a drinker and a loser, though I have never been a child molester, I seemed a little bit more like this loser her mother had in her second marriage. This man had also left her life as mum had moved on.

Today I am becoming a lot more like her millionaire father and a lot less like her step father and in the midst of my counselling I reminisce and wish that she could have just held on long enough to see me now. She’d be proud of how well I am going and my love for myself.

but then a lot of nice things turn bad out there.

Things didn’t turn out bad for Sharryn. She left me for another bloke she was having an

Sharryn was a dream girl. Such a wild girl, like a good horse she had plenty of spirit, enough to make her win races if she was a race horse and the endurance of a good horse that might do country riding. She was a fighter, she was a Maverick out of Top Gun, her all-time favourite movie. She was a player, she was the right girl to have at your side if you were going to take big risks and go all out at building a big empire. She wouldn’t fight to be the man of the house, she was strong enough to stand by her man and hold him up and pull him back up if he has a setback, but she was so strong in spirit that she was the wife a future millionaire would choose in his youth and together they would set the world on fire.

She had stickability, she was loyal, she was a vixen in bed, very loving and very intoxicating like a drug to me. Her looks were something that just kept me looking in the mirror each day and wondering why she fell in love with me. She used to say I was very handsome, but I had such a low opinion of myself I told her she was crazy on a number of occasions for marrying me.

I think I said it so much I convinced her!! lol

She was a gem. Her real father was a multi millionaire on good property who did endurance races on Arabian horses over five days and hundreds of miles for fun, who had a business and bred champion horses on his own stud at home as a side income. I only met him once, he offered to teach Sharryn and myself to ride endurance with him and his new wife. They say a girl marries her father and I could not reconcile why she married me.

Then when she told me about her step father who molested her, a drinker and a loser, though I have never been a child molester, I seemed a little bit more like this loser her mother had in her second marriage. This man had also left her life as mum had moved on.

Today I am becoming a lot more like her millionaire father and a lot less like her step father and in the midst of my counselling I reminisce and wish that she could have just held on long enough to see me now. She’d be proud of how well I am going and my love for myself.

but then a lot of nice things turn bad out there.

Things didn’t turn out bad for Sharryn. She left me for another bloke she was having an

I think I said it so much I convinced her!! lol

She was a gem. Her real father was a multi millionaire on good property who did endurance races on Arabian horses over five days and hundreds of miles for fun, who had a business and bred champion horses on his own stud at home as a side income. I only met him once, he offered to teach Sharryn and myself to ride endurance with him and his new wife. They say a girl marries her father and I could not reconcile why she married me.

Then when she told me about her step father who molested her, a drinker and a loser, though I have never been a child molester, I seemed a little bit more like this loser her mother had in her second marriage. This man had also left her life as mum had moved on.

Today I am becoming a lot more like her millionaire father and a lot less like her step father and in the midst of my counselling I reminisce and wish that she could have just held on long enough to see me now. She’d be proud of how well I am going and my love for myself.

but then a lot of nice things turn bad out there.

Things didn’t turn out bad for Sharryn. She left me for another bloke she was having an affair with. Well I was not good enough and she would have told me to leave even if she didn’t have another lover. I don’t blame him at all. I can’t blame him for sleeping with my wife behind my back. She had told him it was alright and perhaps she was just trying to get the courage to leave me.

She invited him to a drive-in movie with us one night. He was her friend she met at work where she was working, it was a vegetarian sort of caf?, and he was a locksmith tradesman customer who asked her out one day, not knowing she was married. In fact she’d kissed him before he knew she was married and when Sharryn had kissed you, well folks you were hooked! LOL

Anyway the movie was “Bodyguard.” And Kevin Costner gave her the line she would give me a few weeks later. “I have fallen out of love with you Matthew.”

How could I argue with that? The only chance I had was to leave, be good and hope to date her later and win back her affection. Though a month later when I found out about how this guy and her were an item and had been lovers before I even got my marching orders, my hopes were dashed about dating her.

But this poor guy got engaged to her and 18 months later she left him for a minister’s son.

I was there to hold this man in my arms as he wept for losing my wife, (well ex wife by then) You see whilst Sharryn lived with this guy, who had his own home, I made a point of becoming a good friend of his, so that he and I would have no hassles over my love for Sharryn and no grief over me coming around once a fortnight to get my son. We even had a game of tennis once every two weeks and my son who was three and a half was ball boy running all over the place picking up our balls and throwing them to us.

My Son called me Matthew daddy. And he called Brian, Daddy. That cut me to the heart the first time I heard him call Brian daddy when we were all together and I turned to answer him and saw he was asking for Brian’s attention. I didn’t cry then, but after that game of tennis I wept. My young son was all smiles. He told me how lucky he was to have two daddies that loved him. Those sort of statements make your eyes fill with happy tears.

Well after 18 months of being with Brain Sharryn left him and he was weeping and I was consoling him. We had both loved Sharryn. We had both made love to Sharryn. We had both done our level best to make her happy. And we both had not only lost her, but we had both been cheated on, humiliated and left to weep losing this stunning girl inside and out. We had a lot in common. We were friends until he met a lovely Christian girl at his church and they married. She was not comfortable when she found out how Brian and I met and we ended our friendship with a hug and tears of joy for his engagement. I was invited to that wedding but sent my apologies. I don’t go to weddings anymore.

For Brian a lot of nice things turn out bad out there, for a season between Sharryn and his new wife, but for Sharryn she was off with a pastor’s son. I don’t think she picked a great pastor’s son who was cheating with her before he got her, but then I am no saint, I was living with her out of wedlock when she fell pregnant and I was supposed to be a Christian.

She married this man. I was happy and sad on that day. Sharryn never allowed me close to this partner of hers. I never met this guy alone to have a man to man chat. He was handsome, a builder, with a flash Utility and he was fantastic with my son. My son adored this guy. I have to give it to my wife. She had a good ability at finding good father figures for my son.

I had been bi-sexual in my past and I have to tell you girls, this guy was quite handsome, had a toned figure and pretty well was everything a young girl might want. I don’t know how many years they dated. It was about three or so. Sharryn was only with me for five months before our wedding and so this three year courtship was a sign of my wife getting very smart in picking a suitable life partner.

They married and a month later she told me she no longer had a need of me and I could not see my son anymore. I asked if could I say good bye to my son on the phone and she said it would be too sad for him. She told me Brandyn and her had already done the talking and he’d done his crying as he had come to grips with mummy’s decision and it would be unfair on him to make him cry again.

I got off the phone and wept again and every fathers day, every Christmas day, and every birthday of my son’s I weep again and many days in between. If you are judging me for walking out of my sons life and not fighting for my rights please consult my article titled “Five good reasons I stopped seeing my son”, where I address this in detail.

Oh baby baby it's a wild world,
it's hard to get by just upon a smile.
Oh baby baby it's a wild world.