Adversity Can Help You Discover Who Your REAL Friends Are(NOT)!

Let me tell you one good reason why you should be grateful for adversity of this kind e.g. lack of money. It helps you find out who your real friends are(and/or ARE NOT). Adversity for a business startup/owner can often come in the form of LACK - be it of money or access to other need resources. Money issues in particular have always caused problems between people who had otherwise excellent relationships.

That's why I always say this: For any two people(including husband and wife) to really prove they understand themselves thoroughly, let them demonstrate THAT understanding repeatedly and consistently in relation to money issues.

When your “friend” suddenly sees that you no longer seem to (note that I said “seem to”) have that spark in your eyes, that confidence with which you spoke six months earlier about your business, how does s/he behave? Does s/he still keep extending support to you – financially or otherwise? Or does s/he suddenly start telling you s/he is busy; hardly returns your phone calls, “talks down” to you before others etc?

What Do You Do With The "REAL" Friend(s) That You Discover?

But what if the person DOES keep on giving you the support or assistance as and when the need arises? Do you just keep accepting it as it comes? My experie

If you don't mind I'd like to start this piece with a narrative of the closing stages of an interesting movie I once watched titled TROY. If you do mind, then skip to the next section, as I believe I've put in enough from there to still convey most of my intended message :-).

It was intriguing to watch a scene in the movie, where the Greek warriors, led by their famous fighting machine character "Achilles", exploited the somewhat fatalistic and excessively religious mentality of the Trojans. They did this by placing a gigantic wooden gift horse surrounded by corpses of Greek soldiers who looked like they had been afflicted by a strange illness on an open field where it would be easily found by the Trojans. When the Trojan King and his priests saw it, they readily interpreted it(as the Greeks had hoped they would) to mean their gods were at last fighting for them by visiting the strange illness on the Greeks. They believed that was why the Greeks had sent in the gift horse as an offering to appease the gods of the Trojans.

Ignoring the protests of a few - including their king's son, who proposed that the gift be burned(Achilles and his guys who were hiding inside the giant horse-gift must have been terrified to hear that!) - the Trojans had the gift horse dragged through their hitherto impregnable city gates(which had kept attackers like the Greeks out for years), right into the city center. The people then danced late into the night celebrating the "apparent" surrender" of the Trojans.

Hmm, how ironic. What they did not know was that the Trojans knew them so well, that they had expected this kind of reaction, and had played on it deliberately, to get behind the famed walls. Late in the night, long after the celebrations had ended and all the people had gone back to their homes to sleep, the Greek soldiers hidden in the giant wooden horse gift began to emerge. Within minutes, they began taking out the guards, and killing any other Trojans they met along the way. In no time, they had opened the city gates, and let their waiting compatriots in. The great city of Troy fell - VERY badly.

So, what really happened to cause this tragedy? The Trojans acted naively. They too readily assumed that their "pagan" enemies who had traveled a great distance to fight them had succumbed to the power of the gods of Troy. They let what they felt - and wanted badly to see/hear - cloud their judgment of what was BEFORE them. At the point when they contemplated what to do with the gift horse, even the most competent among them lost hold of his critical thinking skills, and succumbed instead to wishful thinking encouraged by overzealous priests.

The Greeks had done the opposite. They had studied their enemies well. They knew their strengths(from many unsuccessful attempts at trying to force their way into the city), and took pains to discover their weaknesses. They then put together a plan to exploit the latter, in order to achieve their aims. In my opinion, the foregoing is an excellent example of the application, by the Greeks, of the principles described in a book titled "The Art of War" (regarded as a classic work on strategy in warfare) written by Sun Tzu, an ancient Chinese General reputed to have been extremely successful in war.

Consider the quote below, from that book:

“Therefore, when capable, feign incapacity: when active, inactivity. When near, make it appear you are far away when far away, that you are near….I make my enemy see my strengths as weaknesses and my weaknesses as strengths while I cause his strengths to become weaknesses and discover where he is not strong…I conceal my tracks so that none can discern them; I keep silence so that none can hear me” – Sun Tzu, in “The Art Of War”

Incidentally Mark R. McNeilly in his book “Sun Tzu and the Art Of Business – Six strategic principles for managers” translated the strategic concepts from the original book by Sun Tzu – into successful business strategies. In his book, McNeilly describes the principle of Deception and Foreknowledge (along with five others) as crucially important for achieving success in business.

Among other things, he explained that if you wish to get ahead of your business competition, you must do a very deep level of research and analysis. Something like that done by the Greeks in the movie I just described. I would add that this means you have to study them well enough to understand HOW THEY THINK, and WHAT makes them do the things they do, the way they do them. By so doing, you will not only be equipped to anticipate their next moves, BUT you will also know what moves YOU can make that they will be UN-prepared for, and will therefore be unable to respond to.

In effect you would know how to get - and stay - ahead of them.

Sometimes A "Good Thing"(E.g A FREE Gift) May Not Be Good For You

If you are in the habit of accepting unsolicited offers of help or support from just about anyone who makes them, you can set yourself up to be ripped-off or exploited causing needless suffering/setbacks. When you first begin your business, you will likely be often short on cash. Those periods might force you to have to depend on others.

Sometimes, people will offer to help by giving you money, but James Cook and others advice that to succeed, you will eventually have to “turn your back on handouts” and offers of charity from those who try to feel sorry for you. Don’t let them – you don’t need that. Instead borrow money/accept help, in exchange for a part of something you own e.g a stake in your business etc. If you took the right decision about starting your business in the first place, you are not likely to regret it subsequently. If you won’t regret it, why should you let someone feel bad on your behalf?

It can get quite difficult to keep this up however, especially with the lack of money biting away at your subconscious. But, if you are a student of success, you should by now know that it is challenges of this nature that WILL make you strong.

Adversity Can Help You Discover Who Your REAL Friends Are(NOT)!

Let me tell you one good reason why you should be grateful for adversity of this kind e.g. lack of money. It helps you find out who your real friends are(and/or ARE NOT). Adversity for a business startup/owner can often come in the form of LACK - be it of money or access to other need resources. Money issues in particular have always caused problems between people who had otherwise excellent relationships.

That's why I always say this: For any two people(including husband and wife) to really prove they understand themselves thoroughly, let them demonstrate THAT understanding repeatedly and consistently in relation to money issues.

When your “friend” suddenly sees that you no longer seem to (note that I said “seem to”) have that spark in your eyes, that confidence with which you spoke six months earlier about your business, how does s/he behave? Does s/he still keep extending support to you – financially or otherwise? Or does s/he suddenly start telling you s/he is busy; hardly returns your phone calls, “talks down” to you before others etc?

What Do You Do With The "REAL" Friend(s) That You Discover?

But what if the person DOES keep on giving you the support or assistance as and when the need arises? Do you just keep accepting it as it comes? My experien

Hmm, how ironic. What they did not know was that the Trojans knew them so well, that they had expected this kind of reaction, and had played on it deliberately, to get behind the famed walls. Late in the night, long after the celebrations had ended and all the people had gone back to their homes to sleep, the Greek soldiers hidden in the giant wooden horse gift began to emerge. Within minutes, they began taking out the guards, and killing any other Trojans they met along the way. In no time, they had opened the city gates, and let their waiting compatriots in. The great city of Troy fell - VERY badly.

So, what really happened to cause this tragedy? The Trojans acted naively. They too readily assumed that their "pagan" enemies who had traveled a great distance to fight them had succumbed to the power of the gods of Troy. They let what they felt - and wanted badly to see/hear - cloud their judgment of what was BEFORE them. At the point when they contemplated what to do with the gift horse, even the most competent among them lost hold of his critical thinking skills, and succumbed instead to wishful thinking encouraged by overzealous priests.

The Greeks had done the opposite. They had studied their enemies well. They knew their strengths(from many unsuccessful attempts at trying to force their way into the city), and took pains to discover their weaknesses. They then put together a plan to exploit the latter, in order to achieve their aims. In my opinion, the foregoing is an excellent example of the application, by the Greeks, of the principles described in a book titled "The Art of War" (regarded as a classic work on strategy in warfare) written by Sun Tzu, an ancient Chinese General reputed to have been extremely successful in war.

Consider the quote below, from that book:

“Therefore, when capable, feign incapacity: when active, inactivity. When near, make it appear you are far away when far away, that you are near….I make my enemy see my strengths as weaknesses and my weaknesses as strengths while I cause his strengths to become weaknesses and discover where he is not strong…I conceal my tracks so that none can discern them; I keep silence so that none can hear me” – Sun Tzu, in “The Art Of War”

Incidentally Mark R. McNeilly in his book “Sun Tzu and the Art Of Business – Six strategic principles for managers” translated the strategic concepts from the original book by Sun Tzu – into successful business strategies. In his book, McNeilly describes the principle of Deception and Foreknowledge (along with five others) as crucially important for achieving success in business.

Among other things, he explained that if you wish to get ahead of your business competition, you must do a very deep level of research and analysis. Something like that done by the Greeks in the movie I just described. I would add that this means you have to study them well enough to understand HOW THEY THINK, and WHAT makes them do the things they do, the way they do them. By so doing, you will not only be equipped to anticipate their next moves, BUT you will also know what moves YOU can make that they will be UN-prepared for, and will therefore be unable to respond to.

In effect you would know how to get - and stay - ahead of them.

Sometimes A "Good Thing"(E.g A FREE Gift) May Not Be Good For You

If you are in the habit of accepting unsolicited offers of help or support from just about anyone who makes them, you can set yourself up to be ripped-off or exploited causing needless suffering/setbacks. When you first begin your business, you will likely be often short on cash. Those periods might force you to have to depend on others.

Sometimes, people will offer to help by giving you money, but James Cook and others advice that to succeed, you will eventually have to “turn your back on handouts” and offers of charity from those who try to feel sorry for you. Don’t let them – you don’t need that. Instead borrow money/accept help, in exchange for a part of something you own e.g a stake in your business etc. If you took the right decision about starting your business in the first place, you are not likely to regret it subsequently. If you won’t regret it, why should you let someone feel bad on your behalf?

It can get quite difficult to keep this up however, especially with the lack of money biting away at your subconscious. But, if you are a student of success, you should by now know that it is challenges of this nature that WILL make you strong.

Adversity Can Help You Discover Who Your REAL Friends Are(NOT)!

Let me tell you one good reason why you should be grateful for adversity of this kind e.g. lack of money. It helps you find out who your real friends are(and/or ARE NOT). Adversity for a business startup/owner can often come in the form of LACK - be it of money or access to other need resources. Money issues in particular have always caused problems between people who had otherwise excellent relationships.

That's why I always say this: For any two people(including husband and wife) to really prove they understand themselves thoroughly, let them demonstrate THAT understanding repeatedly and consistently in relation to money issues.

When your “friend” suddenly sees that you no longer seem to (note that I said “seem to”) have that spark in your eyes, that confidence with which you spoke six months earlier about your business, how does s/he behave? Does s/he still keep extending support to you – financially or otherwise? Or does s/he suddenly start telling you s/he is busy; hardly returns your phone calls, “talks down” to you before others etc?

What Do You Do With The "REAL" Friend(s) That You Discover?

But what if the person DOES keep on giving you the support or assistance as and when the need arises? Do you just keep accepting it as it comes? My experie

Consider the quote below, from that book:

“Therefore, when capable, feign incapacity: when active, inactivity. When near, make it appear you are far away when far away, that you are near….I make my enemy see my strengths as weaknesses and my weaknesses as strengths while I cause his strengths to become weaknesses and discover where he is not strong…I conceal my tracks so that none can discern them; I keep silence so that none can hear me” – Sun Tzu, in “The Art Of War”

Incidentally Mark R. McNeilly in his book “Sun Tzu and the Art Of Business – Six strategic principles for managers” translated the strategic concepts from the original book by Sun Tzu – into successful business strategies. In his book, McNeilly describes the principle of Deception and Foreknowledge (along with five others) as crucially important for achieving success in business.

Among other things, he explained that if you wish to get ahead of your business competition, you must do a very deep level of research and analysis. Something like that done by the Greeks in the movie I just described. I would add that this means you have to study them well enough to understand HOW THEY THINK, and WHAT makes them do the things they do, the way they do them. By so doing, you will not only be equipped to anticipate their next moves, BUT you will also know what moves YOU can make that they will be UN-prepared for, and will therefore be unable to respond to.

In effect you would know how to get - and stay - ahead of them.

Sometimes A "Good Thing"(E.g A FREE Gift) May Not Be Good For You

If you are in the habit of accepting unsolicited offers of help or support from just about anyone who makes them, you can set yourself up to be ripped-off or exploited causing needless suffering/setbacks. When you first begin your business, you will likely be often short on cash. Those periods might force you to have to depend on others.

Sometimes, people will offer to help by giving you money, but James Cook and others advice that to succeed, you will eventually have to “turn your back on handouts” and offers of charity from those who try to feel sorry for you. Don’t let them – you don’t need that. Instead borrow money/accept help, in exchange for a part of something you own e.g a stake in your business etc. If you took the right decision about starting your business in the first place, you are not likely to regret it subsequently. If you won’t regret it, why should you let someone feel bad on your behalf?

It can get quite difficult to keep this up however, especially with the lack of money biting away at your subconscious. But, if you are a student of success, you should by now know that it is challenges of this nature that WILL make you strong.

Adversity Can Help You Discover Who Your REAL Friends Are(NOT)!

Let me tell you one good reason why you should be grateful for adversity of this kind e.g. lack of money. It helps you find out who your real friends are(and/or ARE NOT). Adversity for a business startup/owner can often come in the form of LACK - be it of money or access to other need resources. Money issues in particular have always caused problems between people who had otherwise excellent relationships.

That's why I always say this: For any two people(including husband and wife) to really prove they understand themselves thoroughly, let them demonstrate THAT understanding repeatedly and consistently in relation to money issues.

When your “friend” suddenly sees that you no longer seem to (note that I said “seem to”) have that spark in your eyes, that confidence with which you spoke six months earlier about your business, how does s/he behave? Does s/he still keep extending support to you – financially or otherwise? Or does s/he suddenly start telling you s/he is busy; hardly returns your phone calls, “talks down” to you before others etc?

What Do You Do With The "REAL" Friend(s) That You Discover?

But what if the person DOES keep on giving you the support or assistance as and when the need arises? Do you just keep accepting it as it comes? My experie

In effect you would know how to get - and stay - ahead of them.

Sometimes A "Good Thing"(E.g A FREE Gift) May Not Be Good For You

If you are in the habit of accepting unsolicited offers of help or support from just about anyone who makes them, you can set yourself up to be ripped-off or exploited causing needless suffering/setbacks. When you first begin your business, you will likely be often short on cash. Those periods might force you to have to depend on others.

Sometimes, people will offer to help by giving you money, but James Cook and others advice that to succeed, you will eventually have to “turn your back on handouts” and offers of charity from those who try to feel sorry for you. Don’t let them – you don’t need that. Instead borrow money/accept help, in exchange for a part of something you own e.g a stake in your business etc. If you took the right decision about starting your business in the first place, you are not likely to regret it subsequently. If you won’t regret it, why should you let someone feel bad on your behalf?

It can get quite difficult to keep this up however, especially with the lack of money biting away at your subconscious. But, if you are a student of success, you should by now know that it is challenges of this nature that WILL make you strong.

Adversity Can Help You Discover Who Your REAL Friends Are(NOT)!

Let me tell you one good reason why you should be grateful for adversity of this kind e.g. lack of money. It helps you find out who your real friends are(and/or ARE NOT). Adversity for a business startup/owner can often come in the form of LACK - be it of money or access to other need resources. Money issues in particular have always caused problems between people who had otherwise excellent relationships.

That's why I always say this: For any two people(including husband and wife) to really prove they understand themselves thoroughly, let them demonstrate THAT understanding repeatedly and consistently in relation to money issues.

When your “friend” suddenly sees that you no longer seem to (note that I said “seem to”) have that spark in your eyes, that confidence with which you spoke six months earlier about your business, how does s/he behave? Does s/he still keep extending support to you – financially or otherwise? Or does s/he suddenly start telling you s/he is busy; hardly returns your phone calls, “talks down” to you before others etc?

What Do You Do With The "REAL" Friend(s) That You Discover?

But what if the person DOES keep on giving you the support or assistance as and when the need arises? Do you just keep accepting it as it comes? My experie

Adversity Can Help You Discover Who Your REAL Friends Are(NOT)!

Let me tell you one good reason why you should be grateful for adversity of this kind e.g. lack of money. It helps you find out who your real friends are(and/or ARE NOT). Adversity for a business startup/owner can often come in the form of LACK - be it of money or access to other need resources. Money issues in particular have always caused problems between people who had otherwise excellent relationships.

That's why I always say this: For any two people(including husband and wife) to really prove they understand themselves thoroughly, let them demonstrate THAT understanding repeatedly and consistently in relation to money issues.

When your “friend” suddenly sees that you no longer seem to (note that I said “seem to”) have that spark in your eyes, that confidence with which you spoke six months earlier about your business, how does s/he behave? Does s/he still keep extending support to you – financially or otherwise? Or does s/he suddenly start telling you s/he is busy; hardly returns your phone calls, “talks down” to you before others etc?

What Do You Do With The "REAL" Friend(s) That You Discover?

But what if the person DOES keep on giving you the support or assistance as and when the need arises? Do you just keep accepting it as it comes? My experiences have taught me the answer to that question is a VERY BIG "NO"! You cannot afford to simply assume that anyone would do that much for nothing. It would be unwise to even accept such. The truth is that not everyone can be that selfless! There is VERY likely to be something that person is looking to get, for helping out so much - and it may not necessarily be money. So you’d better find out quickly, and ensure you’re willing to give whatever it turns out to be. If you find you cannot give it, then you can quickly stop him/her before letting things go too far.

Let me repeat myself. It is in your best interest to quickly ascertain a person’s motives for helping you if they ever come your way – else you might regret not doing so, much later. No matter how well you think you know people, you can never know them well enough. I have found that human beings are always able to surprise themselves again and again. This can be especially true where money issues are concerned!

There was a Power Point slide show presentation circulated on the Internet some years ago that found its way into my outlook e-mail box in my last workplace. It was a kind of parable about life. There is one particular phrase I took away from it which goes something like this: “Not everyone that puts dirt on your head is your enemy, and not everyone that takes the dirt off your head, is your friend”.

With reference to that parable, I will say that you may want to always watch out for the tell tale signs of people who try to use you. Some come close to you, if they think you look like you might soon get a breakthrough – they want to be around at that time, so they can claim to have been there for you(and therefore share the spotlight/moment of glory). Others are hoping that by helping you, you will remember them when you get to the “top”, and open doors for them in return. Again, that is if they feel you could do very well. In such instances, they “stick around”. But soon as they get what they consider strong signals that things might not turn out the way they expected, for you, their dispositions change. Always be ready for such, and take it in your stride.

Summary

The foregoing points should be in your mind when you want to take that decision to accept the offer your “friend” or “relative” has made that you save your money by moving into his/her house for instance. At the initial stages, it might seem like a good idea, and could even be fun. But, you cannot often be sure of what an individual’s temperament will be when faced with the reality of the fact that you have at a point become something of a liability(I refer here to the possibility of tough times in your business startup lasting longer that you anticipated).

Things can get a bit nasty when the rough patches come. If the person you accepted to stay with, is not one who really believed in what you were doing from the beginning, then you will notice a change from his/her “body language”. If unfortunately you are not in a position to - for instance - move elsewhere, you will then have to accept some not-too-friendly treatment from your "friend" till you can! That's not likely to help you maintain the preferred positive mental attitude needed to get you through the difficult periods. So, be careful how you accept seemingly harmless offers of assistance, or you might end up getting into BIGGER trouble, than the one you needed help to GET OUT OF in the first place!